Tuesday 8 January 2019

Brexit Britain, 2029 (A Message from the Future) *Courtesy of Mavis who did not wish to reveal her full identity.

Mavis:

"Stop mumbling... What!? I’m deaf you know!? Britain was better in the old days? Pah, no it wasn't! You see that over there? That's raw sewage that stretches for miles around the coast. It didn't used to be like this, there were foreigners with money and things. We didn't approve of that. We've always just prefered swimming about in shit. Pardon!? Of course, the fields used to produce vegetables but they ended up rotting because none of the locals would demean themselves with that type of slog for tuppence so now we just eat Frey Bentos pies and Micro-Chips. I think it's better that way. Hello!? What!? It’s my hearing, it’s not what it was! Yes, there was a time when young people would inexplicably want to broaden their horizons and had ambitions to live and work in the vibrant continent on our doorstep but we didn't think they needed that type of thing. The type of privilege we enjoyed. No, it's better they stay here. That foreign food can give you a dicky tummy and we don't like that. I can't hear you!? And since we forced all Muslims to shave off their beards in case they're concealing a bomb underneath, we've literally had no beard-bomb attacks whatsoever. 'scuse me!? No, there never has been a beard-bomb attack before. I can't hear a thing these days, you’ll have to speak up!? Oh, how's Meryl? Sadly she passed away on a trolley in the street outside the hospital, what with the social care issues following Brexit. It's what she would have wanted. You really will have to speak up!? Times are tough but at least there are no foreigners around to help out. Whaaat!? God Save the King."


#80DaysToBrexit

The Special Relationship (Which country is going more insane - the UK or the US?)



There’s a real symmetry going on between Britain and the US right now but with one obvious difference. There’s no opposition. We don’t have a Jennifer Wexton or an Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez or a Beto O'Rourke or a Rashida Tlaib. We’ve got Jeremy Corbyn.* The tide is turning over there because they’re heading towards a crisis that is actually hitting workers in the pocket (including the MAGAniacs). So some real life 21st century politicians who use common sense, evidence and logic are making obvious points to ordinary people that are exposing the blatant lies. 


Sound familiar? That sense of urgency is building in the US now. People who thought ‘I hate this politics crap but they are actually fucking with mine and my friends’ lives now, I should probably get involved’ are getting involved. The tax-cuts for the rich, while federal workers who live pay check to pay check aren’t being paid are starting to question whether this is right. The b/millionaires in charge - men (and the odd woman) who claimed to speak for ‘the people’ are beginning to look self-serving and, er, elitey(?). They’re about to get some hefty pay rises too. The hypocrisy is not going unnoticed by those who usually aren’t interested or just have better things to do. The US and British governments are supposed to govern for all of course, not just sections of society. 


The Leave campaign got 17,410,742 votes - now that is a staggering number it has to be said. That’s a fine victory over the Remain campaign’s 16,141,241. If (and I said ‘if’) people start getting laid off in huge numbers, or falling behind on mortgage payments or start getting delayed at borders for hours, blah - all that Project Fear stuff we hear about with a No Deal and because obviously we don’t believe in experts anymore (pah!) then things might get tricky. No one wants that to happen so, you know, we’ll be fine I would’ve thought. But what if by some slim chance that van driver who was on James O’Brien’s LBC show (YouTube) who was explaining exactly how the whole process works and how disastrous it could be is right? I’m sure he doesn’t understand all the logistics of it having only made the journey a zillion times. Obviously Davis Davids, Dominic Raaaaab and (who’s the new one? Dexter Fletcher I think) will understand all of this better than that van driver dude. We do all hope it doesn’t go tits-up. But it might. The Tories will extend Article 50 because surely even they won’t take risks so crazy that we might need to rely on the ship company that Chris Grayling invested millions in that don’t have any ships. If May doesn’t extend Article 50, which could only happen if all EU 27 agree, then I’ll happily eat the entire Withdrawal Agreement page by page without water to wash it down with. The thing is, they’ll only extend it if a 2nd Referendum is part of the deal. Then I guess the brave warriors (of Keyboard Land) will start threatening civil war and violence when in reality most of them are over 60 and the only people that will actually want to cause real trouble will be the Yaxley-Lennon mob who, despite being utter morons, will surely realise they’ll struggle against the might of the British Army following a perfectly legal and sovereign act requested by Parliament. The army have got drones you know? Tick..tock..tick..tock..tick..tock...



*I vowed never to vote for Labour again after Bliar’s mass slaughter in Iraq but when Corbyn became leader I thought, okay, I will vote for them again because this is a principled man who is taking the party exactly where it needs to go with the rise of far-right idiotologies everywhere. I am hugely supportive of most things he stands for. But I’m a fickle sort when it comes to things such as everyone’s future. If he won’t offer genuine opposition to this despicable Tory Party and stand with the 16-odd million (thinking about it, that’s a whopping number too isn’t it?) of us that voted Remain and make it policy to oppose Brexit then I guess it’s thank you very much Jez for where you’ve got us to but we need to move quickly now. If confidence in this nonsense saps as it is in the US (where that orange thing in charge is gonna be lucky to last the next two years) and we reach a similar crisis point (but we’re looking at more like two decades) then we need our own stifled rising stars (Beccy, Dawn, Angela, Jess (not that stifled obvs), Emily etc to have the freedom to speak out and condemn in plain ‘real-people’ English that this is a terrible direction for the country to be heading in for demonstrably obvious reasons. We have those driven politicians, like the ones exciting those in the US, in the Labour Party but they can’t fight the damage being done by the opposition by offering a lesser damage. There’s nothing to work with there. There are a trillion reasons why half the country don’t want this. They’re the easiest arguments to win for politicians because you’re on the right side of progress, the side that moves forwards. Because that’s the only direction we’re heading in. 


#80DaysToBrexit